THAT LITTLE GIRL I LOST LONG AGO
by Shruti Dhand
Seeing these little girls play
in the Ram Vihar lawns today, my mind wandered off to the thoughts of a little girl I
had known years back. She was no different from these little girls with their
hair tied up in pigtails. Such a simple and beautiful world she lived in,
so colorful and fragrant. Even the little of things brought big joys to her;
tensions, responsibilities, suspicion, competition were just another words
whose spelling were difficult for her to learn! I still remember her coming
back from school, throwing her bag off and all ready for her nap... her
appointment with the dream fairy!! Evenings were to be spent with her best
friends- her teddies and dolls... she couldn’t wait to share her every little
secret with them! There was not a secret she couldn’t share ... the heart so
clean and clear!!! Her laugh was in perfect accord with her heart filled with
immaculate happiness...! Her eyes on the ever smiling face was the gateway of
innocence she held within...with twinkle of the brightest star on a clear
night…
I often wonder if she was in official welcome committee of rain god? Every time raindrops quenched the thirst of this earth, she would run out and greet them n dance on their music…. A free spirit!!!!
She believed firmly, that world is beautiful...
Her world was indeed beautiful. Her mesmerizing smile welcomed everybody. I
never noticed any suspicion in her eyes for anyone…but she sure did shy away
and tug herself behind her mother. Thinking of her brings smile on my face.
She told me that she had her
worries too!!! Worries of exams!...But as far as I remember, she used to be
more excited about the holidays that followed
the exams! I can go on telling so much about her.. I had known her so
well... There was a time when we both had walked together on the path of
life... But I don’t know when we started drifting apart?.. When her picture
became hazier and hazier?...I got so engrossed in I don’t know what, that I
didn’t even realize that I am losing her... I lost her for ever ..I lost the
little girl... I lost my childhood!!!
When
did this transformation ever take place?.. Was it sudden or gradual? When did
all this happen? When did this world lose its beauty, was it when I stumbled
onto stones of harsh realities or when everything in moral story books n fairy
tales seemed nothing more than black patches on paper? Why was the fragrance
replaced by the stench of selfishness? Was it when I realized this world is
full of corpses of people whom we crush to climb the ladders of so called
success? When did all that we believed as kids became just mere words?
I never seem to have realized
when the “Labeled” outfits replaced the school uniforms, the watercolors in
hand got replaced by makeup, pigtails replaced fancy haircuts, and the trip to
a beauty salon became a religious affair. Pain replaced the sparkle in the eyes
and innocence became a dangerous thing to posses. Pretension, tensions,
responsibilities, cutthroat competition and suspicion are not just words but a
way of life. The dolls and teddies crave for attention but are just another
pieces of furniture in room now! When did I get so busy that I started
overlooking the little joys, life had to offer? When, why, how….I don’t have
the answers for these and I don’t know where to look for them? I don’t know when I moved ahead in life,
leaving my childhood far behind. I know its lost for ever, gone never to
return.... but deep down my heart I long for that little girl whom I lost
somewhere in my life’s path far behind... Forever!!
“ye
daulat bhee le lo, ye shohrat bhee le lo
bhale chheen lo mujh se merii javaanee
magar mujh ko lautaa do bachapan kaa saavan
vo kaagaz kii kishtee, vo baarish kaa paani
bhale chheen lo mujh se merii javaanee
magar mujh ko lautaa do bachapan kaa saavan
vo kaagaz kii kishtee, vo baarish kaa paani
kabhi ret ke unche teelon pe jaanaa
gharaunde banaana banaake mitaanaa
vo maasoom chahat kee tasveer apanee
vo Khvaabon khilauno kee jaageer apani
na duniyaa kaa Gam thaa na rishton ke bandhan
badi khuubasoorat thii vo zindagaanee “
